Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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