his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
