He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
