If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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