Kiss
Puke
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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