my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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