I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
