I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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