Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
