just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
