You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
