we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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