Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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