he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
