Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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