Don't you send me to vm
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I stole a fireplace last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
