New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
