dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
