Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
