That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
