he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the day after is always just damage control
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
