it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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