I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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