OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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