I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
