It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
