Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
