just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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