Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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