I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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