I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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