so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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