there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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