like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
