Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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