my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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