i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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