The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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