I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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