gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
