Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Are we still banned from the library?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
