can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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