I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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