can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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