her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
