Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
