Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
