Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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