What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
