dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
