people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
