Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
