hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
is that a dick in a sweater?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
