dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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