my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
