Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
