i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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