I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
