Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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