I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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