she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first