There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?