Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?