we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.