He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.